Fattest Ninja no Jutsu
by sarmad88
Summary: Oh! I understand, Naruto must have learned how to harness the power of the Akimichi! That is why he is so large!" Kakashi looked at Asuma carefully. "No he is just obese."
1. Chapter 1

"I am not fat, just big boned!"-Unknown Englishman

-

Obesity is a problem many people have to deal with, it is a part of the human life cycle for so many different individual across the world. Whether it is by choice, luck, or genetics the fact of the matter is that aside from a low sense of self-esteem, it comes with many other problems.

The problems could range from something simple such as not being able to get a job because the individual is not physically able to do the task, or they are simply just not good-looking enough to fit a certain criteria. A fat person certainly wouldn't make a good prostitute that is for certain.

Of course what we should really focus on are the problems that being obese has to a person's health.

It comes with issues such as heart problems, terrible bowel movements, and respiratory problems. As if your lungs suddenly stop working because there just isn't enough air to keep you alive.

It is important to realize that the most dangerous part of being obese is not the physically observable portion, but the chemistry that goes on inside the bodies of these people. There is an incredible amount of non-degradable particles trapped within the foods of heavy calories and the unique compositions of these foods, such as ramen, stay trapped in your liver for the rest of your life.

Not to mention it could cause Diabetes, it is a problem Uzumaki Naruto will eventually learn about, but now is not the time to worry about that.

Diabetes among children is a prevalent result of taking too much sugar over the course of the individual's life. That is not to say that eating sugar by itself will give you this problem, it just seems to be correlated to it.

Heart attacks seem to be another problem obese people face, something Chouji's father is familiar with, feeling a heavy constriction in your chest, with a terrible painful sensation into the left artery, and finally a stop.

These are only a few reasons why human beings should watch what they eat. It is common sense: there really is very little reason to explain why human beings in general should be careful what goes into their stomach.

Right?

It is something we have all been taught by our parents or caretakers, is it not?

But what if you didn't know any better?

What if all you ate was ramen?

What if you ate ramen only because that was your only option, what if you tried to buy fruits and no one would sell them to you?

What would you do?

You can make many different excuses of what you would do but the fact of the matter is you would eat the ramen, eat as much as you can. You also would not realize that the ramen could kill you, kill you slowly. As the particles of carbon collects in your intestine and your liver goes to hell, you keep gorging on it.

You gorge because Ramen is food, food tastes good, and you must have more food. Have all the food in the world. Until your body starts to mature and you realize that something is occurring, things are starting to feel heavier, feel more numb.

At age 5 you start to feel your heart beat getting faster, feel your skin getting heavier, but you can't help it. It hurts but after a minute you feel that strange red chakra gulf your body as you heal. You know that ramen might be the reason why your stomach hurts so much, but are you going to do anything about it?

No.

The only food you are able to eat is ramen, only Teuchi will sell you ramen. As a person you respect him and think he has your best intentions at heart. Later on when you are 9 years old you realize that he is a businessman, chances are he just wants your money. However, like most people you ignore those facts because you are hungry, and not just for food.

You want to talk to someone and he is one of the few people in this village who is willing to listen to you. While he continues to charge you for ramen, ramen is not free after all. One is money; the other is your health.

The Hokage came by once to your castle of food and told you that eating too much ramen is bad for your health; you were 9 years old at that time. You did not know any better, the word "fatty acids" didn't cross your mind as being something that could kill your digestive tract, but later on in life that is something you start to realize.

At age 9 when he told you that you should stop eating because you might gain some huge weight you didn't like him. It made you angry, and in your anger you ate even more. Food was a great way to get rid of your stress; you had a lot of problems to deal with and eating helped get rid of a lot of those issues.

Still he had a point about your weight, when you went to school it should have occurred that only that "fatass" that hung out with Shikamaru was the only person who was heavier than you.

Iruka made some excuse that you probably had a lot of muscle mass, but as time went on and you became slower in speed and you realized that you weren't really any stronger than anyone else.

You were just fat.

You realized this when you were 12 years old, your final year of the academy when you couldn't complete the last lap in the obstacle course because you passed out from exhaustion.

The other kids laughed at you, but then they always laughed at you, so it wasn't anything new. What made you angry was that the fat kid who hung out with Shikamaru was joining them, up until that point you didn't realize a truth that you were hiding from yourself:

At some point in your life you became the fattest kid in Konoha.

Damn, you had enough problems in your plate. You thought your life couldn't get any worse, not only were you the social outcast but you were also the most repulsive kid in your class. The only bright side about your life at that point was that things couldn't get any worse.

Until some time that night you found out there was a demon sealed in your belly.

-

"Team 7 will be Naruto, Sakura-,"

"NOOOOO!"

"And Uchiha Sasuke. Sakura shut up, you interrupt me again you're going to sit at detention!" Iruka shouted.

No one made a comment why he was covered in bandages, he was fine just yesterday.

Come to think of it Naruto was also covered in bandages. Though the real question was how did he pass the test?

Clearly everyone saw his failure at the exams.

Sakura went back to her seat looking embarrassed. She glared at Naruto who seemed to be busy breathing deeply and wiping off the sweat from his forehead. He didn't look so good, but Naruto never looked very healthy, he had bad hygiene along with gland problems.

Plus, he didn't get enough exercise and he showed poor judgments when asked difficult questions.

The only good thing about the orphan was that he tended to keep to himself. No one talked to the fatso and he didn't talk to anyone else either. It was a perfect relationship, not even Hinata wanted anything to do with the boy.

In addition, he smelled like ramen!

Everyone knew ramen was poor man's food!

After the class was dismissed Sakura took the time to sit by her one and true love "Sasuke-kun," and started trying to get a date out of him. After some futile attempts she heard someone laugh in the corner and saw Naruto snickering.

"What is so funny," she asked very curious.

Naruto pointed to the eraser that was on the door. When the door would be opened it would fall on whoever would walk through the door.

"Hey who did that? I didn't see anyone in here," she said. She looked around and there wasn't a person in the room aside from the three of them, she glanced at Sasuke who just shrugged and went back to thinking about vengeance.

So distracted was she that she completely missed out on their future teacher coming into the room with the eraser falling on his head.

She also missed the fact that there was a kunai hidden underneath the eraser.

-

"All three of you fail the test, so no food for anyone of you," Kaka-shit-sensei said. He went to get his lunchboxes but found all three gone. "Okay, who ate all of these?"

Naruto didn't make any comment but it was obvious from the brown stains on his mouth that he had been eating something recently. Whether it was the lunchboxes no one really knew. They hoped it was the boxes, they did hear someone scream at one point in the test and it wasn't Sakura.

"In any case Sakura I am going to tie you to this pole while the other team mates eat-,"

"Why me!"

"Because Naruto is too fat to be wrapped up in ropes," he replied, glaring at the blond who was licking his fingers that were covered in sweet and sour sauce.

When the teacher was gone from the field Naruto, for a brief moment, looked carefully at Sakura with an unreadable expression, he slowly went up to her and they were almost face to face.

"W-what do you want."

Naruto just smiled, showing off rows of white sharp teeth. Sasuke backed away from the two and sat at a distance as he saw Naruto reaching for something in his pocket.

Sakura screamed.

Naruto pulled out the obento their teacher was hiding.

"Here, eat up."

Kakashi came out of the bush screaming "I KNEW IT!"

All three of them looked scared. Then Kakashi sighed. "Okay, congrats you also pass the test."

"Huh?"

-

"I don't agree to any of this, none of these kids look like they could protect me, especially that big fat one! I asked for Ninja not sumo-wrestlers!" Tazuna shouted.

Naruto did not make any comments but inside it hurt, it hurt a lot when people talked about his weight. He had been trying to change but bad habits die hard. Kakashi patted him on the back and just smiled through his mask.

"Naruto is a good Ninja, trust me, I'd bet my life on it."

Naruto smiled at him, he would not steal Kakashi's portions on this mission, well not all of it this time.

-

"I didn't think Naruto was such a coward! He just ran as soon as Kakashi told him to escape! Honestly I have never seen him run so fast, it was like that day when Ichiraku declared 2 Dollar Tuesday!

"Sakura, please stop talking we have to get him out of that prison!" Sasuke shouted. Truth was even he was angry at their last teammate, he thought Naruto was braver than that. He did not talk a lot and ate more than his fare share, but Naruto didn't seem like a coward.

A few minutes went by and Zabuza eventually captured the kids along with their teacher, he released all his water clones and went up to the tied Tazuna to kill the old man. Until he turned around and saw the entire landscape dispel and rocks, grass, trees, end birds change themselves into their true forms.

The entire area was filled with Henged Kage Bunshins!

Before Zabuza knew it, he had lost his captives as Naruto untied his teammates and broke through the water prison with a simple Chakra disruption jutsu.

On any other circumstances Zabuza would have continued the battle, but he was almost out of Chakra from maintaining the prison and opted to flee and fight another day. The next time with Haku, besides he had stabbed Kakashi while he was in the water prison so they had the advantage the next time he would have to fight Team Kakashi.

Kakashi turned to Naruto. "You know for a second I thought you were the smartest Ninja among us when I told you guys to run, and you listened."

His teammates waited for Naruto's reply. Naruto opened his mouth, but before he said anything he passed out from exhaustion.

"Looks like he isn't used to running so much is he?" Kakashi commented trying to pick him up, only to fall back down from exhaustion and passing out.

Sasuke turned to Sakura. "I am carrying Kakashi, we are not going to argue about this."

Sakura complained about back pain the rest of the trip to Wave.

-

"And by the way, I am a bo-,"

Haku didn't even get a chance to finish her sentence because the fat blond haired kid was asleep, he couldn't even stay conscious enough to hear the rest of her speech!

She would just have to turn him into a pincushion the next time they fought; she would make him truly suffer for his rude and lazy habits.

The boy was a horrible example of what a Ninja should be. Haku had worked so hard becoming a Shinobi, sacrificing everything including her gender and yet this boy made it look like anyone could be one.

She almost took out a Kunai and killed him right then, but the fat boy was saved by his teammate Sasuke, who was calling him for breakfast.

As Haku departed Naruto immediately got up and ran to the smell of fresh Miso.

A boy had to eat.

-

Turns out when he got there, there was no Miso, instead he got a salad courtesy of Sakura and Sasuke who made him eat all of it. Anyone who ever eaten vegetables must understand that those things taste terrible!

Kakashi eventually put a stop to it, saying that fruits are for "girls."

Sakura called him sexist.

Kakashi didn't deny it.

Everyone missed the happy look on the fat blond's face though, except for Inari who was confused why he was secretly so happy that people were making him eat spinach.

-

"…and that is why I work for Zabuza. He took me in when no one else did; he has done more for me than my real father. Without him I would still be the same orphan scrounging in the streets of Water Country, waiting for someone to put me out of my misery. To me he is more than just my master; he is my father, and something more. I will not let you kill him, I will not let anyone take him away," Haku told the obese child.

Naruto didn't say anything for a minute. He took a second to process this.

"That story…" Naruto broke apart and started crying for the girl, such a poor girl. "T-that is such a sad story, you are so brave. I thought my life was bad but y-you. You have been through so much, yet you have remained so kind."

Haku looked surprised at the boy. He had such a soft heart.

Then she looked at the black haired boy that Naruto was holding in his arms, like some dead bride. She pointed to the Uchiha. "I killed him, does that not bother you? He was your friend, and I took him away from you, don't you care? Don't you want revenge, don't you want to make me suffer don't you want to kill me."

Naruto looked down at Sasuke in his arms, poor skinny Sasuke. He had taken the needles for him, they barely knew each other yet the boy sacrificed his life for him.

That alone meant so much to Naruto, the chubby village pariah.

He never hated Sasuke; he was one of the few people who never made fun of his looks. They were never friends and up until lately, they never talked, but seeing the light go out of the boy's eyes made Naruto realize the danger he was facing in the Shinobi world.

As fat tears fell down his eyes, tears for both the boy in his arms and the broken girl in front of him he made his move. "No I don't want to kill you. Sasuke and I knew exactly what were getting into. Sakura may not realize this, but if she lives through this even she will come to terms that this was all part of our job."

Naruto took another deep breath, he was already feeling tired. Too much sugar, he shouldn't have eaten all of Tsunami's food before getting to the battle." Shinobi aren't tools, Haku, we are people. No matter what we do to try and change that the simple reality does not change the truth of the matter. We can make up words to hide how we feel, but in our hearts we know what is wrong and what is right. Not a lot of people put value about what is in the inside, but I do."

Naruto looked at the dead Sasuke in his arms and then looked back at the crying girl, who had large tears in her eyes. The world must be getting worse if such a nice person had to be forced into such a brutal lifestyle. "If I kill you I know that I might be able to save some trouble down in the future. I know you will not try and get revenge on me if you are already dead, I might even get a promotion, but I don't care about that. My heart tells me I shouldn't kill you for revenge."

He paused, taking a deep breath. He wasn't used to talking so much, he was already feeling tired. He needed to lower his cholesterol.

He looked around and looked beyond the rapidly disappearing mist. "Plus Gatou is here with his goons, I think he is going to double-cross Zabuza. Perhaps we should team up?"

-

"Kankuro, let the boy go or I shall kill you."

Konohamaru ran behind the large blond boy and looked at the trio through the fat boy's huge calves. The red haired boy looked up at the taller blonde-haired person, who seemed even wider than his brother did. Konohamaru was glad his Ni-san was so huge! It would take longer for the Sand Genin to beat up someone as tubby as Naruto, meaning that the Konohamaru corps would have extra time to make their escape while Naruto's blubbery body kept them busy.

Gaara glared up at the larger blond, who was chewing on Ramen bars. "What is your name?"

Naruto considered if it was a good idea to give out his title to some unknown foreign Shinobi, he knew Sasuke would do it in a heartbeat but Naruto was much more cautious than that. "Why do you want to know my name?"

The red-head smiled up at him, Naruto felt himself sweat and it wasn't because of his diabetes. "So I know the name of the person I'm going to kill in the Chunin exams."

Naruto thought about what his next action would be, how would a Ninja turn this to his or her's advantage? "My name is Akimichi Chouji."

-

Fact: Smoking still kills more people than obesity.


	2. Chapter 2

"We are on the wrong floor, any child could have figured that out easily," Sasuke retorted, in his arrogance. "Don't you have better jutsus to trick people with?" The truth was it had taken Sasuke a bit longer than he would have liked to admit, but he wouldn't tell that to anyone, not unless you tortured him with memories of his psychotic brother, and even then it would be a longshot.

"I don't know, I think it was a good idea," Naruto answered. He ate his ramen without pause, and managed to say these words while continuing to chew. Sakura yelled at him to not eat and talk, but he just ignored her. "It sure fooled me, and Sakura as well."

"That's not true," Sakura said. She eyed Sasuke trying to tell him that she was much smarter than that. "I knew we were on the right floor, I really did. You have to believe me, I was just thinking about things that 's all."

"A likely excuse," Naruto muttered. "Can we go in now?" The fat boy didn't even bother to wait for a reply and just rammed past the two Chunin. After all, Naruto had a lot more mass than the two of them combined, so getting out of his way was probably a good idea. They wouldn't dare pick a fight with the gigantically fat blond in such a cramped space.

His two teammates followed in silence, watching as Naruto's large bulk parted the crowds. The last Uchiha muttered that he could have handled this a lot better and just glared at fat Naruto for taking away his thunder.

--

"According to this card, Gaara is dangerous." The group of rookies stood around the silver haired genin, trying to extract as much information about the people they might have to fight, and kill, in this exam. "You want to stay away from him, at all costs."

Naruto mumbled an apology to Chouji, which got a panicked look from the smaller, yet still very fat, boy and Shikamaru didn't like the sound of that apology either. The only time Uzumaki Naruto apologized was when he did something horrible. Something so terrible that literally got people killed.

Like that time he bit off a piece of someone's hand, when that person was sleeping, while holding a bar of candy. The fact that it took Naruto half an hour to realize that what he was chewing wasn't bits of chocolate, but literally human bone made the black haired boy sick to his stomach, Chouji as well.

It was like the fat boy had an acquired taste for human flesh.

"Naruto-kun, are you alright," Hinata asked him. She was worried about the boy's health. He wasn't looking so good, especially when he eyed a menacing looking red head in the corner of the room, who apparently was looking for a boy named 'Chouji.'

"I think I am sick, Hinata-san," he said. "I have to go to the washroom."

As Naruto left to hide in the water closet a dark red head, with the Kanji of love carved on his forehead, walked up the group and declared that he will have the blood of the Akimichi, for apparently no reason whatsoever.

"What did I ever do to you?" Chouji asked, slightly afraid. He saw the red head sneer, then watched as the sneer became sharp, deadly, then malicious, and, finally, happy. "You gave me your name."

The boy vanished in a whirlpool of sand, leaving the rookie nine wondering what that was all about.

"We never even met before!"

--

"Naruto, you should really consider finishing the last question." Hinata was upset that Uzumaki Naruto was just taking everything so calmly. She had to be careful not to get caught while they did their test. Naruto , for his part, just slumped over the desk and snored. She was tempted to just poke him with her pencil and hope that got a response out of him.

"Okay class; put away your pencils we are going to have the last question." Ibiki then went on to explain that if they got the last question wrong, then the whole team fails and they will be unable to take part in the exam ever again, and the ones who quit now will be disqualified but will be allowed to retake the exam next time. Naruto didn't hear this part of the question, and so slept through it all.

Hinata was shaking on her desk and literally broke her pencil in two from the nerves she felt well up, inside her that is, and wanted desperately to scream. Her eyes were going around the room trying to find some clue, but alas, she found nothing. Then her eyes went to Naruto who just woke up, saying "What did I miss?"

She almost sobbed realizing that after all her efforts for this exam; she was going to fail it, just like the lazy Uzumaki. "L-like you would c-care."

Naruto shrugged. "Probably not," he said. He yawned and scratched his large belly. "But I did bribe a few people from last year to let me know the format of the exam. So I have a feeling we are going to be okay."

"What did they tell you?" she asked curiously. If bribing was so easy, she would have done so by now.

"They laughed and said I would be pork chops in the second part, hell they seemed happy to see me enter the second part of the exam." He didn't mention to Hinata how much those men truly wanted to see him killed in this exam. If Hinata knew the kind of horrifying danger in them, she would have had the sense to back out of this.

Letting in a bunch of twelve year olds into an exam that kills people, and then trapping them in a forest with older, more dangerous, rapists, murderers, and killers, all for the sake of advancement was probably not the best way to test for promising students who deserved a promotion. But what did he know? He was just the village fatso.

"You all pass." Ibiki sighed as the next moment, a woman wearing fishnets that barely restrained her boobs, crashed through the window and told everyone in the class her name was "Anko-sama."

Naruto licked his lips when he heard the words anko, he loved sweets!

--

"Your blood tastes good," Anko purred. "I want some more."

"I eat lots of candy, so my blood sugar is pretty high," Naruto replied. "I wouldn't call that a compliment, sweet blood means that I am going to need an amputation on some of my body parts at some points, only because of the sugar levels. Also you might want to get yourself checked because I might or might not have herpes due to a botched blood transfusion."

Anko cringed. She made a mental note to not taste, at the very least, Naruto's blood again. "Okay sign this Death Contra-I mean Forms."

Naruto read the words on the contract carefully, realizing that it had some very funny conditions such as:

If participants get raped they will not hold Konoha responsible.

If participants are sodomized, they will not hold Konoha responsible.

If participants get a body part removed, or amputed, or just plain stolen, for the sake of Konoha hospital patients, they will not blame Konoha.

If you die you will not hold Konoha responsible.

This contract is a binding agreement, blood seal is required.

Naruto didn't sign the contract, instead just switched his form with Sasuke, who could have sworn he already signed one, and allowed the Uchiha to sign it for him. "Try not to die, scream if you need any help." Some of the older members there chuckled, the louder they screamed the more likely the sadists would come to their locations to violate them.

--

"Naruto, its spreading, this seal just won't stop," Sakura cried, "Do something!"

"I am not med nin, girl, I can't do anything to help Sasuke, and you know it! If you really want me to help, then you would give me a hand with this guy I am trying to fight!"

"You have them covered, I believe in you!" Sakura shouted. "I am busy taking care of Sasuke anyway!"

Naruto growled in frustration, while he held off another attack from an attractive sound nin girl. Her eyes didn't seem to have much life in them, but her hair was just beautiful. "I like your hair," he commented.

The girl paused, and then ran a hand down the lengths. "It's nice isn't it."

"Sure is, err, say why exactly are you attacking us again?"

"To kill Uchiha Sasuke."

"So…if we hand him over, we get to live right?" His stomach growled. He was hungry. "Tell you what, if you hand over your food, I'll be willing to negotiate."

"NARUTO!" Sakura shouted.

"I'll even hand in pinky there, she's been nothing but a pain this whole exam," he muttered silently into the black haired girl's ear. "She actually made me eat grass, when they stole the fish I caught!"


End file.
